Bubble Teams to San Diego: Thanks A Lot, Assholes

“Now San Diego sports finally have something to rejoice about, until the NCAA tournament begins and they are soundly crushed, probably by Louisville or something.”

For those of you who missed it yesterday or found out this very morning, San Diego shocked the world, err, the nation, err, California I guess, with a stunning upset over number 22 ranked Gonzaga. USD had a small lead going into the half, but the real show stopper came in the second half when San Diego went on a 19-4 run on route to their victory. The real stars of the game were Rob Jones, who scored 15 points, and De’Jon Jackson, who scored 18 points with 8 rebounds. De’Jon Jackson also bears a name very similar to a certain Cal star. I’d like to think of him as the French version of DeSean, despite the fact that De’Jon probably has never stepped a foot in France. I just have a thing for hilarious French stereotypes, okay?

With their victory, they captured the WCC title and the attention of millions of gambaholics who are gearing up for March Madness.

On the way to the WCC championship, the Toreros beat the St. Mary’s Gaels along with Gonzaga. With their win, USD locked up a tournament spot while Gonzaga and St. Mary’s will be left wondering what their fate is until Sunday. I’m no Joe Lunardi or anything, but the math seems pretty simple to me. Gonzaga is a sure shot at large candidate. Even though St. Mary’s has been on the ropes the last week, their non conference profile with wins against Drake and Oregon should get them in. And San Diego makes three. That’s right, the WCC gets three teams in.

This in turn makes every other single bubble team not happy. Oh, if only these teams can talk… wait they can! Well, they can if you stretch your imagination a little…

The following is an imaginary conversation between a select number of teams on the bubble. Is the notion of treating a team as a physical entity ridiculous? Um, yeah, but why the hell not? This is March Madness after all, where ridiculousness comes hand in hand with the tournament. I mean if the idea of gambling away your house on amateur basketball is less silly than the concept of this imaginary round table to you, then you need to go this website.

Illinois State, Arizona, Florida, Miami U, and VCU sit in a room discussing the situation at hand:

Illinois State: Okay guys, we’re in deep shit now. San Diego just won the WCC tournament, meaning the chances for us to make it in have gone down by one.

Arizona: Don’t forget about South Alabama. They lost too, but they’ll probably be an at-large candidate. Knock another spot off.

Florida: Well why are we here?

Illinois State: Well it’s pretty clear with all these upsets happening left and right that the number of bubble teams getting in the tournament is going to diminish in the next week. Thus, we’re all going to discuss why we deserve to be in the tournament.

Miami U: Well not me. I’m pretty much a safe bet to make it, with my strong RPI and SOS. Hell I only have 9 losses so far, 10 tops after the tournament. I’ll be watching you assholes in the NIT while I’m cruising through the Big Dance.

Arizona: If you know you’re in, why are you at this meeting?

Miami U: I heard Arizona State was going to be here.

Arizona: Wrong school, asshole.

Miami U: Like there's a difference.

Illinois State: I agree.

Arizona: Touche, Miami U. When did you start playing basketball anyway?

Miami U: When our football team started to suck.

Arizona: Oh yeah…..

Illinois State: Anyways, gentlemen, Miami has already made its case. What say the rest of you? Why should you guys make it to the field of 64? Let’s start with you Arizona.

Arizona: Well it’s pretty clear we have one of the toughest schedules in all of college basketball. I mean we’re number 2 in SOS and we still managed 17 wins.

Florida: But you have 13 losses…

Arizona: Yeah but we also have an RPI of 31.

Florida: But you lost to Oregon twice.

Arizona: Um yeah, so what? You lost to Tennessee by 20….

Florida: SO…

Arizona: And to Arkansas by about 20….

Florida: Um….

Arizona: And even to LSU!!

Florida: Shit.

Illinois State: Yeah, why are you here Florida?

Florida: Um, because we have Billy Donovan, and you know how much the committee loves him!

Arizona: Shit. He got us there.

Florida: What about you Illinois State, why are you here?

Illinois State: Well, we have a 34 RPI, pretty impressive right?

Arizona: Not really. We get that with our eyes closed. Give us a better one.

Illinois State: Well we’re also second in the Missouri Valley Conference.

Florida: Which conference is that again? Is that the one with the school whose mascot is an airplane or something? That’s one cool looking airplane.

Illinois State: No that’s Dayton, and that’s the A-10.

Florida: Oh, nuts.

Illinois State: Um, let’s go on to our last member. VCU, why should you make it to the tournament?

VCU: Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary.

Illinois State: What?

VCU: Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Should have beaten William and Mary. Fuck George Mason.

Illinois State: Um, okay. Well that pretty wraps up our meet-

Houston: Hey guys wait for me…!

Arizona: Who are you?

Houston: We’re Houston! We’re on the bubble too!

Arizona: You are? Sorry pal, don’t recognize you.

Houston: C’mon, you know, Houston! The Cougars! You know, The Dream, Clyde, Phi Slamma Jamma?? You have to know us!

Florida: Oh yeah, you guys lost to UTEP! Now I remember.

Houston: Shit, you remembered too…… Guess I’ll just leave….

Coldplay - Trouble can be heard in the background as Houston exits.

Trust me, when Selection Sunday rolls around, a lot of teams will be playing “Trouble.”

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